Movies You Should NEVER EVER SEE: House of Blood

House of Blood, directed by Olaf Ittenbach and written by Olaf Ittenbach and Thomas Reitmair, is possibly the second worst movie I've ever watched, Zombie Nation being the worst.

In House of Blood, a Dr. Doug Madsen who is on his way to the hospital ends up getting a rock slammed into his windshield (The rock got there somehow by a bird falling off a branch and knocking down another rock and yeah... I don't have a clue how that works.). He swerves, causes a bus with prisoners on it to crash, and four escape and proceed to murder everyone else except the doctor whom they take prisoner because someone else is injured. They walk to find a place to do an impromptu operation because they don't want to go to the hospital and find a weird little house with a lady bleeding a goat in the front yard, dressed in medival clothing and talking Ye Olde English style. Apparently that's not too weird for them so they head inside, have a meal with the goat's blood being the sauce in the meal (Ew), and then proceed to amputate some guys arm with the help of one of the women at the house. They get it done, but wouldn't you know it, all that blood has gotten the family all worked up and vampire-like. Eventually everyone but the Doctor and his female assistant escape covered in blood and when they're found they're sent to prison. Then another bird dies and there they go again -____-

House of Blood is tolerable, but it is not a good movie, at least in the horror genre. Funny? Sure, that many cheesy effects, anything is funny, but not a horror. Unless your a serious horror fan and want to find out for yourself, don't watch it.

Movies You Should NEVER EVER SEE: Zombie Nation

Starting us off on this blog of movie rage is Zombie Nation, by Ulli Lommel. As you can see, the title, the line at the bottom (Terror in Numbers), and well, the cover looks pretty good. However
don't be fooled. There are, I think, five zombies total in the whole movie, that's it so don't walk into it thinking that your going to see legions of zombies like on 28 Days Later or in the game Left for Dead. Also, don't expect scary zombies, unless of course you think strippers with raccoon eyes are scary, in which case be prepared to scream because that's all they look like. Seriously. The characters, if they can be called such, are shallow and dumb as a post (For example, a rouge policeman who acts as the antagonist in the movie takes a woman he's arrested into a warehouse and leaves his rookie partner in the police car, returns several hours later with a body sized duffel bag. The rookie asks "Where's the girl? What's in the duffel bag?" ....Are you kidding me?). They consist of one rookie who mysteriously disappears due to IRL circumstances I think, a rouge cop with a rough past we almost but not quite figure out through ill timed flashbacks, five zombie strippers, and a bunch of voodoo priestesses.

Since I feel a rant coming on, probably as a result of talking about the makeup, I feel the need to now talk about the SET DESIGN. There is none, really. The police station in the movie looks like the inside of a large wooden box with smaller wooden boxes with metal bars for cells, the warehouse looks like a flea market stuck inside of a warehouse with random areas in which there is nothing but white walls (Sorry, TWO white walls because apparently after drinking away the money there wasn't enough left for enough paint to cover all the walls, much less actually get a SCRIPT WRITER), one television set and a badly placed mirror in which we can see a cameraman and his camera. The rest of the sets consist of a rural countryside with one pervert who gets eaten and one business man who likes to do business deals in the middle of freaking nowhere apparently gets eaten, and then one shot of the beach. Well, there's also a scene with the priestesses and a snake but really I'm thinking that was still the warehouse with better lighting. Seriously, with all the crap stored in there, there must be a bed and a pig's head somewhere.

*Deeeep breath* ...Anyway, the plot of Zombie Nation is basically this: Rouge cop goes out and kills women because of a messed up past and stupid police who don't think to question a human sized duffel bag, voodoo priestesses raise'em from the dead and talk to the zombie women about their dreams, voodoo women arise and eat two people somehow without getting dirty or bloody, insert forty minutes of filler with mostly nothing memorable in it, insert anticlimactic death of rogue cop by zombie omnomnom-ing here, and there thar be the ending in which the women realize that anyone they bite becomes a zombie so rogue cop'll be coming back! But wait! What can they eat then if every human they eat becomes a zombie?! According to one Voodoo Priestess, "Cheeseburgers."

My belly is soooo full of hate right now.. In closing, do not watch this movie. I watched it TWICE hoping I had missed some glimmer of a plotline, some far away hope that this film had a POINT to it. There is no point nor plotline. Do not watch this movie, if you see it at a rental store, DESTROY IT and tell the police and the rental store owners you were just trying to help them save money.

Player Types (And Which Ones Should Be Shot): The Bunny

The second in the series of Player Type posts, this one concerning the much hated 'Bunny' genre. The term 'bunny' can be attached to anything but in this case I'm basing it after the Bunny's I've known, what seem to be 'Mary Sue' bunny's or 'Cyber' Bunny's.

II The Bunny

• The Rumored Bunny: Rumored bunny's are players who people suspect of being a bunny, yet are not confirmed bunny's. These people come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and other types of players and are normally the source of speculation in an OOC room as to what exactly occurs when they're behind locked doors with another player. In general, they are not a problem and usually end up as fodder for rumors and such, though many of the later bunnys come from this type.
• Cyber Bunny: While the most talked about, these bunnys are certainly not the most detrimental to a game. Cyber Bunnys come in subtle and blatant types (The blatant types occasionally evolving into Drama Bunnys). Subtle bunnys are obviously promiscuous and may have multiple 'partners' but do not draw attention to their activities or jump on anything with legs and the appropriate (Or any) organ as they do have the presence of mind that there's a time and place for everything. Blatant bunnies may actually get off on showing off, going around and asking to 'borrow' partners or going through them like tissues. While the latter seems to be more of an issue, just ignore them and decline their offers of freaky encounters and you should be fine.
• Drama Bunny: Drama bunnies come in two flavors (Normally). The most basic Drama Bunny is prone to dramatic, flourishy posts and often try to insert themselves into anothers business, life, etc and 'help out' or mess things up worse than before. Their job or niche whether they realize it or not is to stir up the muck at the bottom of the chat pond and watch the results. The second type of Drama Bunny is the evolution version of a Cyber Bunny, one who may sleep around and then pit lovers against one another or just try and find themselves a muscle head with enough testosterone to ignore that little signal in their brain going "DOES NOT WANT!" and uses them to cause trouble, fights, etc.
  
• Attention Whore Bunny: The most annoying of the bunny types that occur just as often in male characters as female. These bunny's come in emo, angsty, sparkles fantastic, and insane flavors. The emo is self explanatory, someone who dwells so often in their own tragic, blood and tear stained past that they don't look up for anything except maybe the vaugley interested member of the opposite gender or same gender. If you've seen those stereotyped emos who cut, wear pale make up, and vampire fangs while crying no one understands them, then your pretty close to an emo AWB. An Angsty AWB is very much the same except for anger management issues, basically blowing up and growling angrily and trying to provoke people into attacking them so they can have their ten seconds of fame about ten times until someone beats them down. Then they'll walk around pointing and claiming the other person has cheated somehow. Sparkles Fantastic is probably the most nauseating of the AWB's. They are sparkly, pink, innocent, and will cry if you look at them the wrong way and say your mean and try to get other people to sympathize with them. DO NOT BE ENTRANCED BY THE SPARKLY COLORS, KILL IT WITH FIRE. Insane AWB's do not fit into any set category, may have characteristics of several, or just be a unique snowflake brand of Bunny.
  

Player Types (And Which Ones Should Be Shot): The Combat Monkey

This is the first post in a series of posts (I hope) of player types I've encountered in a game and that I've heard rumors of (Such as the non-virgin gamer, ha ha). Starting out is the combat monkey variety, a normally stereotyped gamer though trust me, there are variations on this. Alright, here we go!

The Combat Monkey

• The Realistic Combat Monkey: While rare, this is the type of combat monkey that's tolerable, playable, and likable. These Combat Monkey's have a legitimate reason for having their combat specs, are not too over the top with them, and are usually not so thick in the head that its easier to talk to a brick than them. Though they're usually still in lines of work such as law enforcement and the military, they're not over the top and their IC interactions don't revolve around 'hulk smash'.
• The Angsty Combat Monkey: The combat monkey's occur less than the 'PKing Twink' monkeys, but more than the 'Loud and Proud' and 'Realistic' monkeys. These combat monkey's almost always have a tragic past where they've either failed someone, lost someone, or killed someone they loved or respected. Depending on the player, these characters though annoying at first still have a lot of potential to grow into great characters since they have essentially started at rock bottom and have the potential to become dynamic characters, but when the player refuses to let that character grow then they're stuck in angsty teen mode.
• The Loud and Proud Combat Monkey: The players are (BIG DUMB BRUTES) probably the most stereotypical. They're strong, they're big, they're (BIG DUMB BRUTES) tough and they will rearrange your face if you look at them wrong. These come in three types, enjoyable, tolerable, and 'someone shoot it before it spawns'. Enjoyable (BIG DUMB BRUTES) 'Loud and Proud's are either serious characters who know that their only combat and use it without gloating or acting like jerks, or occasionally play out their characters deficiencies to make them funny. Tolerable are normally the honorable type, annoying but useful and they'll normally teach you a thing or two. The last type are (BIG DUMB BRUTES) annoying at best. Running to the front of battles and killing things, then gloating over their superior fighting skills and trying to make time with anything vaugley female (To any of you effeminate boys out there, beware). On the upside, while they might make you feel like a loser for not having their dice pools there's still a chance they might teach you something.
• The PKing Twink Combat Monkey: These follow the stereotype to a T, more often than not. They're tesosterone pumped, thick skulled gorillas who kill anything in sight in the worst cases, and tesosterone pumped, thick skulled gorillas with a trainer to beat them with a stick in the right direction in the better cases. Depending on the player, these are either semi-efficient tanks, or manic killers bent on ripping things apart and finger painting in the blood for lulz. *Note* These plays also show up on MMO's as those level 70 mages that wtfpwn a group of 10 to 15 lvl players.

NOTE: We've had a near confirmed sighting of the non-virgin gamer, only to have our hopes dashed by Moses and a player on a chat game. (Screenshot coming later if I can find the blasted thing)

REVENGE

Okay, this might be a rant, might be complaining, its also entirely possible I'm just rambling, but this is something I've noticed in most action movies: Most of them are about REVENGE.

I understand that in many stories revenge is a driving force, something import that moves the plotline, but just how realistic is it?

How many people have gone after something with revenge in mind and succeeded without being called complete and total psychotics or people with severe issues?

Really, its just not all that practical and though there's no doubt at all that shooting someone in the temple with a rifle might be a bit satisfying if they had in turn killed all of your family, in the end aren't you just as bad and in most cases aren't you just going to get arrested, sent to jail to rot and mull over the fact that your now a degenerate who took away someone elses loved ones and stew in your own self pity?

This mostly came to mind when I compared how movies tend to play out revenge/hate to how my own revenge/hate played out with a lawyer who commited malpractice when working with our case. To understand what this man did that brought up so much hate, you need to understand the case:

The case was against the COBRA company (No, not GI Joe Cobra ) for making a van whose design resulted in the death of my three year old brother. The attempts to make a case against Cobra, the people who made the seat that killed my brother, and other things went on for quite a while until we were told the statute of limitations had run out and we were unable to pursue a case against anyone. At this point the case and all the papers that went along with it were brought to another individual who did one look over and said anyone who had touched the case should be sued.

Why? Papers that we were told had been signed were unsigned, work was not done, most of it all was left undone due to laziness or apathy it seemed at the time and that certainly started a spark of hate for our old lawyer. Fast forward several more years, meetings with lawyers, and bam we're at the courtroom actually going to trail.

I don't remember most of the trial, I don't even really remember going up to testify (Mostly because I froze up on the stand but a psychologist told my mom to expect I'd do that and to expect I wouldn't remember testifying, and I don't), but what I do remember is what happened after a settlement was reached.

I had been sitting outside the courtroom in a hallway when our old lawyer walked past, and honestly I completely expected him to keep on walking. Instead he stopped, turned to me, and said 'good luck' before he left. I have no idea why, but at that point I just stopped being angry. Maybe it was because it was as close to an apology as he could give, or just the fact that his expression made me feel he was honestly sorry for at least part of what he'd done, but really I realized right then if he'd just said sorry before all of this I would have felt much better much sooner.

Which brings the whole thing around to its beginning, is revenge really so important or is just the closure important? Would action movies be able to move forward if the main 'villain' just stepped forward and admitted he was wrong and made an honest attempt to show it?