Movies You Should NEVER EVER SEE: Zombie Nation

Starting us off on this blog of movie rage is Zombie Nation, by Ulli Lommel. As you can see, the title, the line at the bottom (Terror in Numbers), and well, the cover looks pretty good. However
don't be fooled. There are, I think, five zombies total in the whole movie, that's it so don't walk into it thinking that your going to see legions of zombies like on 28 Days Later or in the game Left for Dead. Also, don't expect scary zombies, unless of course you think strippers with raccoon eyes are scary, in which case be prepared to scream because that's all they look like. Seriously. The characters, if they can be called such, are shallow and dumb as a post (For example, a rouge policeman who acts as the antagonist in the movie takes a woman he's arrested into a warehouse and leaves his rookie partner in the police car, returns several hours later with a body sized duffel bag. The rookie asks "Where's the girl? What's in the duffel bag?" ....Are you kidding me?). They consist of one rookie who mysteriously disappears due to IRL circumstances I think, a rouge cop with a rough past we almost but not quite figure out through ill timed flashbacks, five zombie strippers, and a bunch of voodoo priestesses.

Since I feel a rant coming on, probably as a result of talking about the makeup, I feel the need to now talk about the SET DESIGN. There is none, really. The police station in the movie looks like the inside of a large wooden box with smaller wooden boxes with metal bars for cells, the warehouse looks like a flea market stuck inside of a warehouse with random areas in which there is nothing but white walls (Sorry, TWO white walls because apparently after drinking away the money there wasn't enough left for enough paint to cover all the walls, much less actually get a SCRIPT WRITER), one television set and a badly placed mirror in which we can see a cameraman and his camera. The rest of the sets consist of a rural countryside with one pervert who gets eaten and one business man who likes to do business deals in the middle of freaking nowhere apparently gets eaten, and then one shot of the beach. Well, there's also a scene with the priestesses and a snake but really I'm thinking that was still the warehouse with better lighting. Seriously, with all the crap stored in there, there must be a bed and a pig's head somewhere.

*Deeeep breath* ...Anyway, the plot of Zombie Nation is basically this: Rouge cop goes out and kills women because of a messed up past and stupid police who don't think to question a human sized duffel bag, voodoo priestesses raise'em from the dead and talk to the zombie women about their dreams, voodoo women arise and eat two people somehow without getting dirty or bloody, insert forty minutes of filler with mostly nothing memorable in it, insert anticlimactic death of rogue cop by zombie omnomnom-ing here, and there thar be the ending in which the women realize that anyone they bite becomes a zombie so rogue cop'll be coming back! But wait! What can they eat then if every human they eat becomes a zombie?! According to one Voodoo Priestess, "Cheeseburgers."

My belly is soooo full of hate right now.. In closing, do not watch this movie. I watched it TWICE hoping I had missed some glimmer of a plotline, some far away hope that this film had a POINT to it. There is no point nor plotline. Do not watch this movie, if you see it at a rental store, DESTROY IT and tell the police and the rental store owners you were just trying to help them save money.